Pet Peeves

We all have 'em. I was considering my own, as well as ruminating over the obvious ones. Most of us "hate when he leaves the toilet lid up", and are frustrated when "people cut in front of me in line". But what else? What really irritates you about people and their habits ? When do you find yourself cursing under your breath or snorting in disdain?
Let's get started, and in no particular order.
Okay how bout this one? You are minding your own business, eating, vacuuming, reading, whatever.The phone rings. You pick it up and through the receiver a stranger asks, "who is this?" Hmmmm. You called me. This is MY house. I own this phone, and you made me come pick this thing up, to have you ask WHO I AM??For the love of Pete, I don't even use this line! I should be asking you this question!

Here's another. At the grocery store, you like to keep a low profile. Pretty much cloaked in your all time low, parenthetical duds, a unique individual in line trys to make conversation with this cliffhanger: "Can you believe mucka mucka Democrats mucka mucka Abortion, mucka mucka Religious Freaks mucka mucka Atom bomb mucka mucka N.A.R.A.L mucka mucka Gay Marriage mucka mucka Global Warming?" Okay... I can hardly peel away the layers on this colossal blotch. First of all, WHAT have you been reading/watching? And second, why did I get picked? I'm obviously wearing a hat and sweats! And then there's the content. WAY too much topic for the grocery store. Last but certainly not least, you assume I agree with you. This presents a particularly cumbersome state of affairs. In essence I am pressured to feign concurr, so I may at least restore some order to the situation, otherwise you have now thrown down the gauntlet. Be careful matey. I think you might come to see that people and opinions, political affiliations, moral compai (I'm trying out a new plural for compass), come in all shapes and sizes, and are not necessarily what you expect. In fact I could school you my friend.

Another misstep: "seen" As in: "Oh yeah, I 'seen' him over there. He was smoking a cigarette by the minute market" You may as well be smoking that cigarette, guzzlin' a fourty ouncer in a wife beater under the trailer awning with that grammar.

I'll top the list off with one more. You know the type. They walk into the bank, store, or restaurant and from that point on, you will never forget. Why? Well because they make sure you don't, what, with all their yammerin about this and that, talking to or about anyone anything, all in that very LOUD voice. That's right. you get to hear every thought that pops in and out of their head. Stuff like "HEY, DIDN'T THERE USED TO BE A DRINKING FOUNTAIN HERE?" or "HOLY CRAP, I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN THAT." Yeah. You know what I call that? An "out of living room experience". These are the people who put their feet up anywhere, like they would in their own living room.

And there's plenty more from where that came. Comments are welcome.

Swimwear

Hello ladies. Remember how you have been scrutinizing yourself in the mirror all year? And what about all of those commercials that reminded you that you could be bouncier, skinnier, more sudsy and giggle-ier? Yeah I remember too. In fact I am reminded every day that I need to go on an Acai (or something) diet, and bust through cellulite, remove stretch marks and drink light beer when I party.
It's not just me getting the message, day in and day out either. Any husbands out there sports fans? GREAT! Then you understand that there is no better place for men to find that same message, underscored by cool guitar riffs and loud crashy cool dude rock and roll synchronization.
So now that you know you don't measure up gals, what will you do? Well since you look so awful naked, why don't you put a patch over both breasts, your crotch and a portion of your ass and walk into the brightest sunlit illumination of the year for all the world to have a look?
O.K. so that just doesn't make a lot of sense does it. In fact, men get that! They wouldn't DARE expose themselves to that degree. Are you kidding? In fact that's HILARIOUS! Men in tiny bathing suits is relegated to funny Europeans, and comedy schticks a la Jackass and the famous"Meet the Parent's" poolside scene. Can you imagine a man letting us get that close of an idea of how toned/untoned, and bulge-ess or bulgeless they are. We could make our decisions in a snap though. "Too small!" "Too fat!"Well I guess someone has put a stop to that kind of scrutiny...Yeah, men get it. They wear comfortable, sloppy, oversized board shorts. Imagine running on the beach in those ladies! Piece of cake!
So what are we doing? And why do we keep letting the culture tell us that all women, as a rule, are expected to strip every summer? Who is telling you to do that? Or, why are we continuing to allow the culture to make a mockery out of what women represent to men?
Women's liberation, my ass! Oops, I mean..."hey, look at my ass!"

Who is the Outcast?

In high school, those of us who wore scads of black, smoked cigarettes and represented an array of assorted hacked up hair, were fodder for all manner of insults. There was almost this strange sense of camaraderie for those of us who had to come together in dark unity, airing fresh wounds resulting from passers by hurling scathing verbiage at our exteriors. Fringe groups were labeled "underground" as if were were relegated to night-time existence for fear of otherwise suffering unbearable abuse by daytime exposure, at street level.
But now what? Who is the fool these days? Who is hiding their head in shame? What is the counterculture group du'jour. Certainly it is no longer the pack of any 15 kids, whose only distinguishing features are their various individual piercings, breadth or type of which might serve to set them apart, one from the other. Perhaps their individual sharpie scroll-work tattooed on any number of skinny jean may be variegating under closer inspection.
Let us not single out that murky assemblage alone. There was also, throughout my secondary school days, another collection of displaced castaways. The "nerd"or "geek" had his or her own shameful and collectively discarded cross to bear. All manner of entertainment readily capitalized on this genre of socially exiled entity. The culture laughed and pointed mercilessly at the buffoonery any one of these "Poindexter"s might exhibit at any given moment.
What does it take to be a reject these days? I might even postulate that normalcy and well adjusted kids are the more disdained and discredited ones. Are they just too simple? Parents marriages too in tact? Do they go to church? Are they saying "no" to "sex" and drugs? What do YOU think of this group?